


death's song

by shefeelslikehome



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, I cried while writing this, Loads of spoilers, Peter Parker Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 02:54:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14463459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shefeelslikehome/pseuds/shefeelslikehome
Summary: Peter Parker’s thoughts, and hopes for the future, during THAT scene.-Inspired by Death’s Song by City and Colour.





	death's song

**Author's Note:**

> This is the result of two days of crying and a lot of denial.
> 
> If you haven't heard Death's Song by City and Colour, I suggest you give it a listen to before you read because it'll enhance the emotional breakdown.

_What becomes of me, when you stop listening?_

Something bad was going to happen, he just knew it.

Mantis disappeared first, then Drax, then Quill. They’d all turned to dust, eyes rolling back in their heads, souls dispersing into the universe.

He couldn’t feel anything but immense panic. His hands had gone numb and he was going to be sick. Why couldn’t he feel anything?

Stumbling forwards, he called for Mr. Stark, falling into the man with every ounce of being he had left. Everything hurt and he grabbed onto anything he could, anything to ground him. Is this what dying felt like?

He didn’t want to turn into dust. He was barely sixteen, he hadn’t even graduated high school yet. He hadn’t done anything wrong, he didn’t want to die.

What was happening to him? Where was he going?

_Do I disappear into the silence? Or return from the void with brand new life?_

He clung to Mr. Stark as much as possible, he didn’t want to go. He wasn’t ready to leave, there was so much he wanted to do. There was so much he needed to do and see. He had a life, he had a family, he had friends. He’d never get to see his aunt again, or Ned, or MJ. He would never build Legos or watch movie marathons, he’d never get to see MJ run for President. His life was ending.

He could feel his legs beginning to come loose, and he was soon supported entirely by Mr. Stark. The two fell to the ground and he was barely able to focus on his mentor’s face as apologies slipped past his lips: I’m sorry, I’m sorry, _I’m sorry._

He should’ve done better, swung faster, punched harder, been tougher, listened more often. He was a kid, after all, and kids make mistakes.

_Will I find a resting place? Somewhere to wash my hands and face?_

When had imagined himself dying while fighting as Spiderman, this inconceivable mess had never crossed his mind. There was no bargaining with his killer, no big gun fight or hostage situation. His death was imminent and it terrified him.

He’d always imagined it would be quick, painless even. Innocence was a curse because the pain he felt right now was a million times worse than anything his brain would ever come up with.

The pain was like being burned from the inside out. He swallowed roughly, and tasted blood at the back of his throat. His chest throbbed and his legs felt so numb that he wasn't even sure if they were still there. He was really, really tired.

_Gathering the harvest for all I need, collapsing into this place of ease._

He would be okay, he reminded himself, his mom and dad were there. He would finally be able to see them again. God, he missed them. He hoped they were proud of him, he tried his best.

Maybe, in some twisted way, he was only meant to be on this earth for sixteen years. He’d had an impact, changed people’s lives, _saved_ people's lives. He’d done more, and experienced more, than he ever dreamed of as a child. He was a freaking Avenger, even if it had only been for one fight. He was going to miss the rush he got when he put on the suit, the thrill of swinging through New York. He was going to miss hearing his alarm clock go off in the morning, he’d miss running to catch the subway. He was never going to see Mr. Stark and Ms. Potts get married. They’d asked him to be the ring bearer, too, and it was a job he was planning on taking very seriously. He wished them the best.

He glanced at Mr. Stark hovering above him, looking more concerned and afraid than he had ever seen before. He hoped his mentor wasn’t disappointed with him, he didn’t mean for this to happen.

Suddenly, the pain disappeared and a warm feeling surrounded him. A woman was singing in the distance, his mom. He could see her face now too, more clearly than in any of his memories. She smiled at him and he couldn’t hold on to reality anymore, he felt himself slipping and slipping. The wind picked up and in mere seconds he disappeared into the void.

He was okay with dying, he decided, he was going home.

_I’m singing my death song, singing my death song._

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, this is the first time I've ever written this kind of style and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.
> 
> My boy did not deserve to go out like this but at least I can write him a peaceful ending. I still can't think process what happened. This movie cause me a lot of pain (I'm probably gonna feel like this for a good long time) and I'm channelling it into Avengers 4 theories and fix-it fan fictions.


End file.
